Sometimes, when I think about it, I have a great fear of change. I want the
people I love to continue to be in my life. I love the house I live in. I
want to stay there always. Yet I realize at some level it is just the story
about change, about having to let go of things, that bothers me.
Nevertheless, the fear of change still comes up...

The Buddha taught 3 fundamental laws, or tenets of life. The first was
the law of anicca, or impermanence, which says everything is always
changing. The seasons come and go, day turns into night, the climate
changes, our body grows and matures and then, like all living things,
begins eventually to wither and die. We can't stop change, and to resist it
causes dissatisfaction, or suffering. This is dukkha, the Buddha's second
law. So, when you see the truth of this, you don't hold onto things. You
don't cling to nama and rupa, which are the Sanskrit terms for the world of
name and form. You don't keep insisting things be a certain way. You learn
to flow with the ups and downs of life, to take action when you need to,
and to wait patiently when patience is what is required.

The well known serenity prayer evokes this way of being: "God grant me the
serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the
things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Coming to wisdom, learning discernment, flowing with the ups and downs,
seems to me the very essence of acceptance, if not enlightenment.

Right. A story the Buddhist teacher, Jack Kornfield, tells about his
teacher, Achaan Cha, illustrates the same point in a different way. It
revolves around a beautiful glass goblet he was given as a gift. He held
and admired the goblet, while telling the gathered students that the glass
was already broken. When they asked what he meant, he said one day, a year
from now, or ten years, or a hundred years, something would happen, an
accident, a fire, or someone would just drop the goblet, and it would break.

Because of this knowing, he could fully appreciate the goblet and enjoy
using it without any attachment. He had already said goodbye to it, so
every day it was in his possession was a blessing.

Exactly. Wisdom is seeing the big picture, seeing the inevitable unfolding
of events. It's looking ahead, and, to use a very practical
expression, visualizing the worst case scenarios. Then you are prepared. If
the worst case scenario does happen, you can take action to deal with it.
You don't obsess about what might happen in the future, but you remain
aware of and open to the possibilities.

You honor the past without clinging to it, you keep an eye on the future
without obsessing over it, but all the time your awareness is grounded
right here in the present.
What was the Buddha's third law?

The third law is the law of anatta, or no self. The Buddha said the "self"
we take ourselves to be doesn't exist, except as an idea or concept in the
mind. This is what all the great enlightenment traditions speak about.
It is the attachment to notions of "self," to the idea of "I am this" or "I
am that," to the whole inside our head drama called "me, myself, and my
story," which creates the resistance to change. You know what I mean; the
fixed positions people take and cling to for security, whether it's a
religious belief, a political belief, a national identity, or something
else.

Buddha's first law, anicca or impermanence, accurately describes everything
as constantly changing. Yet we desperately try to cling to some part of it
and keep it from changing. It is this clinging, this resistance (or its
opposite, aversion, a pushing away of one thing while holding on to
something else) which in turn results in dukkha, suffering. But the real
cause of suffering is the primary clinging to any idea of "self," to being
"somebody," or identifying with "my" personal history. Let go of that, see
it isn't even real, and you are free. Then you live without needing to
cling to any concept of "self," because you have turned your attention back
in on yourself and have discovered "you" don't exist, except as a concept
inside your head.
Then there is no struggle with "self" esteem. You're not holding onto any
image of a "self" needing validation or approval, or feeling pleased with
itself on some days, and hating itself on others. Then there is no more
suffering. You always feel good inside, because you're in touch with the
underlying goodness of life. You use the words "I," "me," and "mine" purely
in a utilitarian way, just as you use thinking for the practical, creative
tool it is, but you are no longer identified with thoughts or the thinker.

May we attain a state of such wisdom, self understanding and non duality!
SWAHA
Happy transitioning!